If you would stop for a second and look around the world you have created for yourself would you be worried sick to stay put or would it push you to better yourself? How much of self-motivation does it take to relieve yourself of everything that binds you to a static rock. I cannot but imagine a reason to push myself harder even as I cannot imagine myself staying put where I am. What does that leave me with? A sense of disarray, confusion, stammering thoughts or a complete void? I guess decisions maketh a man. But what if your decisions come cropper. Would it be sufficient to know that barring the results the journey was yours to make? Or does results matter so much?
You see, I am thinking out loud. I have been in such a state since long. It is as if the feeling has found a home here with me and it refuses to leave! I read somewhere about optimizers and satisficers. I have thought about it a lot. It makes sense. Where do I stand? I wish I could answer that. My actions suggest the latter, my aspirations the former while my intentions neither. What would you call that? optisficers? I think not.
I have a myriad of aspirations, none of which seems plausible if you believe me. By trying to grasp the tail of each I constantly find myself tailored to imperfection. Perfection is perfect isn’t it? Who doesn’t desire this perfect distinction. Some fiddle, some falter while some fly. Is it me or many who find perfection to be a perfunctory destination? Alliterative pleasures aside I am in the middle of nowhere with this perfect delusion.
I had the pleasure of watching Udaan this weekend. Nothing La Extraordinaire with the movie but something struck. The last sequence where Rohan demonstrates the guts to take Arjun along on his uncertain journey carries a revealing after thought. Who among us would be brave enough to follow one’s path let alone shoulder the responsibility? While the Kashyap school of cinema revels in glorifying rebellion, it also in a way exemplifies carrying responsibilities in tandem. Dev was a rebel who had an epiphany after a near death accident. Chanda might not be a responsibility for him but he could easily have drifted apart.
Rebel is good today. Go the off-beaten tracks, we are said. Can you be a responsible rebel? Just think of how a rebellious politician who is as well aware of his duties would do to the state. Can you draw an India where a rebel teacher justifies an aimless yet gratifying livelihood? Spare a thought on those rebel revolutionaries who could dare challenge their ideas of injustice and carry the beliefs of the masses with it.
Bring out those graffitis. Use the middle finger more often. Indulge in psychodelic heavy death metal music. Be a cynic and a communist. Remember just, the motive of it all.